Like so very many people, when I heard
that Robin Williams had died I was shocked and wondered how that
could have happened. But as details began to come out and I heard
that he had been struggling with depression – severe depression –
I didn't have to wonder any more. I knew all too well how someone
with depression could make the decision to end their life. You see,
my family has been dogged by depression for years.
I began to hope that this awful tragedy
would open a dialog – a real, honest dialog – about depression.
Then I started hearing “experts” and pundits alike saying that if
you have depression, know that it will get better tomorrow, next
week, or in the next season of your life. One doctor even ended
with, “I promise.” I am now officially fed up with all of the
trite, “think happy thoughts and you'll be better” BS that
professionals and laymen alike are condemning people who have
chronic, clinical, even hereditary depression with. These platitudes
only make someone with depression feel worse, as if they are
fundamentally flawed because they can't just “snap out of it.”
These platitudes could actually lead to a deeper depression, feelings
of worthlessness and hopelessness, and, yes, even suicide.
I lived through a period of depression.
It was brought on by a neurological collapse stemming from complex
post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) that had persisted for over 35
years. My brain had rewired from being in a state of perma-trauma
for so long and couldn't go on like that anymore. After the collapse
even smiling was difficult for me (and at the time I had no idea what
had happened. I just knew it was very bad.) As my brain began to
rebuild I saw improvements. This event happened eight years ago and
I am still recovering. Looking back I can see that I was depressed
for well over a year due to the brain damage caused by the PTSD. It
was crushing and only by God's grace have I made it this far.
About three years ago my husband was
diagnosed with depression. He had been trying to tell me for a very
long time that he was depressed. Being the caring soul that I am, I
told him – in a nutshell – to get over it. I had no clue what
was really going on. As it turns out, my husband has hereditary
depression. His father had it, my husband has it, and our son has
it. When my husband was diagnosed, he was put on an SSRI –
selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitor. This medicine allows the
brain to utilize the serotonin (a hormone that gives us a sense of
well-being and happiness) that's in the brain more efficiently, which
helps lift the depression. Within two weeks he showed marked
improvement and I thought all was well.
Then, about six months ago, our son,
who is severely gifted (has a very high IQ as well as neurological
disabilities that go along with that) and is a mild Aspie (Asperger's
Syndrome), was also diagnosed with depression. While I was a bit
hesitant to put him on medication, my husband reassured me that it
was the best and right thing to do. He has been on the same
medication as my husband and has responded very well. I thought that
that was the end of our family's depression problems, but I still had
a lot to learn.
I began to notice that there were times
when my husband or our son seemed to be down, even though they take
their medication religiously. I had been under the impression that
the pills were basically a cure all and that the depression was gone.
When I mentioned this to my husband we were able to have a very
educational discussion about the realities of depression. For those
who suffer from chronic, clinical, or hereditary depression the
depression is always there. Medication and therapy are helpful, and
in some cases vital, but the underlying depression never fully
leaves. The reason that I had brought this up was that I found
myself starting to feel depressed again, but I couldn't figure out
why. Then it hit me. Depression is like a black hole that sucks the
life out of the person who has it and those around them. With the
information my husband gave me I started doing a little research.
I then learned that Winston Churchill
suffered from depression. To help him keep the depression separate
and distinct from who he was he referred to it as “the black dog.”
I very much liked that and use that terminology when I notice that
the dog has escaped it's cage and is trying to cause trouble. I
think it's helped all of us to keep things in perspective and know
that while our family has to manage depression, it is not who we are
nor does it need to be the defining factor of our lives.
Depression is something that has to be
addressed and managed every single day. Our family has now made it a
priority to do things every day that help keep the dog in the cage.
Eating well, keeping up with personal hygiene, and getting in
exercise all help. We also try to make sure to get in some laughter
every day and to do things that we enjoy. Some days that's more
challenging than others, but we try. Our cats have also been a great
source of comfort and love for all of us and have helped us all in
our continued recoveries. Simply knowing what's going on and being
able to talk about it is an enormous benefit.
Unfortunately, for people with
depression or other mental health issues, it can be very difficult to
talk with others about what's going on. Most people are too busy
with their own lives to take the time to really listen or to bother
learning even a little bit about what's going on. They hand out the
usual “think happy thoughts” advice and move on. It doesn't take
long before the one suffering from depression learns that if you want
to keep your friends and acquaintances you'd better keep your mouth
shut and pretend all is well. This can start the cycle I mentioned
earlier, where the person with depression starts feeling worse,
worthless, and hopeless. It's not a pretty thing.
People need to understand that there is
a huge difference between feeling blue for a day or a week, and
chronic depression. At some point, everyone will have a time of
feeling blue, but chronic depression never goes away. Depression
eats up your will to do anything besides the most fundamental things
(like eating and going to work) and it steals your desire and ability
to enjoy life. It will crush you. It will isolate you, and if it
has its way, it will kill you.
If you know someone who has been
feeling down for a prolonged period of time, they just might have
depression. Encourage them to speak with their family, with their
physician, or with a therapist. Offer to take them to their
appointments so they don't feel isolated. Offer to listen, even if
you don't understand everything that's going on with them. If they
are in very desperate straights, give them the number for the
National Suicide Prevention Hotline – 800-273-8255. Remind them
that there is no shame in reaching out for help and working with
their doctor they can find a course of treatment that is right for
them. Become part of the solution. I'm not joking when I say that
you could save a life.
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